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\u305d\u308c\u3067\u3082\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u30fc Amelie<\/p>\n\n\n\n


I Am Still Afraid<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The workplace is a strange place, I think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everything is mixed together there \u2014 the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful, all at once. Love for children, a sense of purpose, genuine feeling. And alongside that, power, fear, and a quiet distortion that has built up slowly over a long, long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day, I found myself standing close to that distortion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, I thought something was wrong with me. “Maybe I’m taking this the wrong way.” “Maybe if I had handled it better.”<\/em> I kept searching for answers \u2014 outside myself, and inside my own sense of inadequacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But during the time I spent on leave, something slowly became clear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being hurt and being broken are not the same thing. And when an organization stops functioning, I don’t have to carry all of it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What has been shaped over many years may not be something one person can change. Even knowing that, the stiffness in my body remains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet \u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am still afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I try to go back to that place, my body tightens. My feet freeze. There are moments when I can’t quite catch my breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I can’t do this anymore.<\/em> I have thought that, more than once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And still \u2014 I am trying to go back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will do everything within my power. I will keep records. I will speak up. And I will keep myself safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t need to save the organization. The one I need to protect first is myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I chose to return to the place that hurt me \u2014 not to prove I won’t run, but to test my own axis against reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s okay to still be afraid. It’s okay to still be trembling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Right now, I have “a different purpose.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that purpose is quietly holding me up today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014 Amelie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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